Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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