Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
