There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
