Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
