Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
