So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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