so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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