My hair reeks of homosexuality.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize