i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
