I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
