My cat gives me a boner
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
