i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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