I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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