We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
