halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
