so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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