I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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