You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
