If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
