thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Green mimosas i think yes
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
