I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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