sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
