just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
