I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
