D3 body, D1 cock
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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