I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
