Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
