So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
