My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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