You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Boobs speak an international language.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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