So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
