I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
