I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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