This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is the high leading the old right now
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
