I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
