I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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