Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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