He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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