in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.