I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
