Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
