I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
