nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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