His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
