Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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