I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
