They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
