you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..