mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
