the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
