I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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