We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
