well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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