somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
