She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
