and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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