I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
