if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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