part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
