what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
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Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality