We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.