his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize