if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
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The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
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You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything