I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We had to coat check the pizza.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.