we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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