Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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