I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
