Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
