Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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