there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
