I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
