she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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