we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
