Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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