he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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