i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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