After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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