We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
