jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
