There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
