you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
